278>do you still want to line up behind him as your political Jesus?
The following list is of beliefs which Alex Jones has explicitly or implicitly stated on his cable access show--sometimes many times
Alex Jones has correctly predicted everything that has happened in the last 10 years. (Can you spell M-E-G-A-L-O-M-A-N-I-A? I thought you could...)
Black helicopters are real.
Charlie Sheen inherited his father%26#039;s brains.
There%26#039;s a worldwide takeover going on, perceptible only to dumb white guys.
The ruling elite of the world worship Moloch. (The evidence for this is a blurry video of the show at Bohemian Grove. Alex thinks the Bohemian Grove show is real.)
The secret rulers of the world can live forever. (No one knows where this comes from or why Alex believes it. I think it came from a dream Alex had. As far as I know, the rulers of the world continue to die normally.)
The elite have openly announced that they want to kill 80% of us.
Dick Cheney writes papers saying terrorism isn%26#039;t real. (Alex wouldn%26#039;t say what papers. Alex Jones almost never says where he gets his %26quot;information.%26quot;)
The U.S. Government went around Italy blowing up school busses full of children...%26amp; admitted it. (Twirling their moustaches %26amp; going %26quot;Nya-ha-ha-ha!%26quot; Alex hears a lot of admissions no one else can hear.)
The left-right political spectrum is bogus (This is the dominant paradigm of stupid people today!)
There are little wires in dollar bills that keep track of what you buy. (Somehow.)
Vicente Fox can morph into a green devil. (Alex says he saw him do it. Honest. This vision occurred when Fox visited Texas, c. 2003-4, %26amp; Alex bullhorned him.)
The Communist Chinese Army has taken over the Massachusetts Port Authority.
Illegal aliens live the Life of Reilly in the United States. (In hospital emergency rooms, they always get to go to the front of the line! They also get tax breaks, free school tuition, discounts on Twinkies, etc.! It%26#039;s part of a secret plot that only Alex Jones has figured out.)
Noam Chomsky is a mongoloid idiot. Also an agent.
There are Illuminati symbols on Starbucks coffee cups. (The Illuminati leave clues visible only to angry white guys with IQ%26#039;s in the mid-80%26#039;s.)
Exits on tollroads are 50 miles apart. (It%26#039;s a takeover! who woulda thought?)
Jacques Cousteau wanted to kill 80% of us. (Jacques, too? I wonder why he didn%26#039;t live forever?)
Margaret Sanger gave %26amp; received awards from Hitler. (When the Nazis weren%26#039;t burning her books.)
There are live AIDS viruses in the corn. (This means no sex with the corn.)
91% of Americans are Nazis. (Alex says anyone who favors gun control is a Nazi; 91% of Americans favor mandatory handgun registration; that%26#039;s a lotta Nazis, Alex.)
The United Nations goes around Africa, sterilizing women at random (twirling their moustaches %26amp; going %26quot;Nya-ha-ha-haa!%26quot;)
The Founding Fathers were stupid (they were Masons鈥撯€揵ut they didn%26#039;t know about the secret conspiracy so obvious to Alex %26amp; his friends)
Masons can commit murder. They make a secret sign to the judges and are immediately set free.
All throughout history, governments have always been evil. (Bet you didn%26#039;t know that. Like most of the Patriots, Alex is an anti-government bigot. He frequently poses as a historian, but no real historian believes what Alex Jones believes.)
Power outages are government plots.
Illegal immigration is a government plot.
The counterculture is a government plot.
Vaccines are a you-know-what.
Thumbscanning is a government plot.
Environmentalism is a government plot.
The National Seatbelt Initiative is a bloody government plot.
Feminism is a government plot.
Tollroads are a gummint plot.
This web page is a government plot.
Your mother is a government plot.
The goddam drug culture is a government plot. (Alex Buzzkill Jones.)
Cell phones are a government plot.
Sports are a government plot...somehow.
Antidepressants are a government plot. (Better you should say %26quot;What%26#039;s NOT a government plot?%26quot;)
All domestic terror attacks are government plots. (Pulled off by the most inompetent administration in history, fooling everyone in the world except angry white guys with IQ%26#039;s in the mid-80%26#039;s.)
The government brings in all the drugs. (All of them! Only Alex Jones knows this. No documentation. No nothing. Just another bad dream Alex mistook for news.)
Arnold Schwartzeneggar is a known Nazi. (Only Alex knows this. Someone alert the Kennedys.)
Arnold Schwartzeneggar is part of an Austrian plot to take over America. (Alex really has it in for Arnie. He has a web page devoted entirely to ad hominem attacks against the ex-terminator.)
Skull %26amp; Bones is part of an English plot to take over America.
The United Nations is part of a (very slow) plot to take over America.
***INTERMISSION***
Adjust your tin hats.
Children%26#039;s cartoons are part of a government plot to brainwash us. (Alex Jones is immune. Conspiracy guys are always immune to the brainwashing they see everywhere. White-Guy egotism.)
Organized religion is brainwashing us. (Doesn%26#039;t Alex realize brainless people cannot brainwash?)
My cable show brainwashes you. (If that were true, people would be sending me money.)
The secret ruling elite of the world are putting up buildings that look like owls. (Only conspiracy people can see these owls, in case you were wondering. I wonder why they don%26#039;t build pyramids with eyes on top of them.)
Most major police chiefs are CIA operatives.
Gloria Steinham is a CIA operative.
The voting-machine companies are openly run by the CIA. (%26quot;Openly run by the CIA%26quot; sounds like an oxymoron to me.)
The Quakers are communists. (Er...I thought communists were atheists. Of course, right-wing loonies have no concept of what communism is.)
All of Clinton%26#039;s cabinet were Jewish. (Alex is not anti-Semitic. I don%26#039;t know why he said this. Another dream, I guess.)
People in Holland have tattoos saying %26quot;Don%26#039;t Kill Me.%26quot; (A tougher country than we thought.)
Lyndon Johnson had John Kennedy killed. (I guess JFK was stupid, choosing LBJ as his running mate like that. Conspiracy guys are stupid, so they think everybody is stupid.)
The UN has sold thousands of children into slavery %26amp; for snuff films.
Gays are actively recruiting in our schools. (Why do right-wing loonies always believe this?)
The government keeps %26quot;giant, honeycombed hives full of toddlers drugged on lithium%26quot; (twirling their moustaches %26amp; going %26quot;NYA-HAHAHAHA!%26quot;)
The Rothschilds funded Hitler. (Once again, normally smart people become staggeringly stupid in Alex%26#039;s dreams.)
People in Africa tear off their arms after receiving vaccinations. (But then, we%26#039;ve all done that.)
The government is spraying us with EVIL CHEMICALS contained in the contrails of planes (also poisoning themselves, I guess. Shows you how ruthless the elite are.)
The United Nations goes around Africa, sterilizing women at random (twirling their moustaches %26amp; saying %26quot;Nya-ha-ha-haa!%26quot;)
Every soldier who died in any war since the Civil War was a chump (you thought they were heroes; turns out they were nothing but fools; how%26#039;s THAT for patriotism?)
Antidepressants are a government plot to bum us out.
The United Nations is part of a (very slow) plot to take over America.
Mercury travels from Africa to Austin on the Jet Stream. That%26#039;s why Austinites have so many allergies.
IQ%26#039;s are going down. (IQ%26#039;s are going up.)
The cancer rate is up. (Most cancer rates are down.)
During his inauguration, President Clinton openly gave the sign of Satan for all the world to see. (They all worship Moloch, don%26#039;t forget. I don%26#039;t know how we get to Satan from there...but Alex says so.)
Alex Jones is saving humankind with his cable TV show, radio shows, %26amp; tapes (available for purchase, by the way).
Bad people are deliberately putting cancer viruses, AIDS viruses, %26amp; mercury in our vaccines (twirling their moustaches %26amp; going %26quot;Nya-hahaha!%26quot;).
9-11 was only the beginning; there are going to be lots of even bigger domestic attacks (5 years %26amp; waiting on this prediction, Alex).
Most Americans believe the government was behind 9-11 (this is based on Alex%26#039;s misreading of a Zogby poll; Alex misreads EVERYTHING)
They sacrifice babies at Bohemian Grove. (Try to imagine Richard Nixon sacrificing a baby. Or GWB. I guess Cheney would do it, perhaps inadvertently.)
They only hire people with IQ%26#039;s below 100 to become police officers. (Like most %26quot;Patriots,%26quot; Alex Jones is essentially a cop-hater. He will say anything bad about the police.)
%26amp; finally...my personal favorite:
Alex Jones can predict the future, because he goes to the SECRET WEBSITES where the New World Order tells you EVERYTHING IT%26#039;S GOING TO DO
Reply:I appreciate all your work in compiling this information. I went to see Alex Jones at a symposium in Los Angeles this past June. I thought it was awesome. I do not believe him to be my %26quot;political Jesus,%26quot; though I do take seriously most of what he says.
Reply:Alex is not crazy. He believes in freedom and he sees the government threatening our freedom. If you listen to Alex, you will see that he is very smart, and you will see that these accusations are nothing but slander by people who are too afraid to realize that the government is not our friend. Report It
Reply:Alex is more of a patriot than all of you. This nation is going down the tubes and I%26#039;m starting to see why. Report It
Reply:if only 10% of what he says is true.....we are in trouble Report It
Reply:Alex Jones is a retard. Report It
Reply:who is Alex Jones?
Reply:yes... he%26#039;s a total nutbar... but at least he%26#039;s entertaining... hahaha... I couldn%26#039;t make some of that stuff up and I consider myself to be creative...
Reply:Poor Alex, that%26#039;s what happens when you drink the blue koolaid. And btw, I already knew my mother was a government plot!
Reply:How about him and David Icke in a Jello (tm) wrestling match? Loser has to admit that he is a blood-sucking lizard!!! Now THAT I would pay money to see.
O the humanity!
Reply:He may go overboard a tad, but he did give some interesting tools to those who want to begin thinking for themselves.
Reply:can you say NUT JOB!
I knew you could.
Reply:I love conspiracy stuff (for entertainment) but Alex Jones oh man I can%26#039;t even watch his videos. He is screaming and yelling like a Jerry Springer show.
Anyway as far as his %26quot;sources%26quot; sure leaks can happen and I don%26#039;t put down the possibility of things being leaked to him. There is a field of entertainment to the people in the know. Leaking to such a person with such a demographcl *snicker*. Anyway his last prediction was for this October so I guess we will have to wtach and see.
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