BREAST CANCEr???

571>my friends mom was diagnosed with breast cancer last week. she did 2 surgeries and took it out, but the result comes tuesday whether the cancer spread or not and whether she needs chemo! will my friend's life be different??
Reply:It depends on many things. It does cause a strain on the family but everybody has to lean on each other. If her mother does have cancer, she needs to keep in mind that people beat cancer all the time and her mother can too. Chemo sounds terrible but they can treat a lot of the problems associated with it nowadays, such as nausea. Another thing is that if her mother does receive chemo, her hair will fall out, she won't look like she feels well, and she'll probably feel run down. The important thing to remember is it's the medicine that is doing that, not the cancer. She'll return to normal after treatment.





Talk to your friend and try to help her keep some sort of normalcy in life. Don't ask her about her mother's health all the time because spending time with her friends may be the only relief from the scary situation she is going thru at home.
Reply:Completely different.


The chemotherapy is very hard on a person.


Also her staging may really change her life.


As in she may need her ovaries, and uterus taken out as well so that she doesn't get more cancer that is dependent on estrogen.


Her mom may lose her hair, get really sick, everything.


Be supportive.


Make them dinners, etc..


You friend's mom is in for the long haul, weakness, and hell....
Reply:Most definitely !! I was myself at a young age diagnosed with a stage 3B, BC in 1998.


My kids both in college,husband was never home, my kids both were engaged to marry at the same time also. After the lumpectomy, and 1st set of chemo treatments my kids could not handle my illness/side effects of chemo.


My daughter moved out, broke off her engagement, my son stayed but went into a " drug frenzy " and is no longer engaged.


But what I learned from this, BC has the highest divorce rate, and both kids were effected by there verbal, then violent abuse from there Dad on me vs chemo, and the on-going side affects.


Now....8 yrs later Cancer free, but still numerous medical illnesses from it. My husband I am with, but pray for his "illness", as a abuser.





I am proud to say that from this, my daughter graduated from college and works in the State Attorneys ofc. as a advocate for the victims of abuse.My son also finished and is leaving for DC in a high profile career, both are God's blessing to me.


It's hard for kids to put on a smile, and reverse roles, don't shut your friend out, listen, listen, listen. God bless your friend's Mother.
Reply:Her life will be very different. People react very shockingly as far as I'm concerned. Those you think you can count on well you cant. Those you don't come through. It wrecks some relationships, others it brings closer together. It's a terrible disease with long term effects, physically and emotionally. The best thing you can do is to be there, just be there and do what you can to help the person and get them out and enjoying life and participating in it. To be shut off in doom and gloom doesn't do anybody good. It's a pity there aren't more services and volunteers to help people out especially on the onset of cancer. It's such a terrifying time and all the unknowns can literally cripple you with fear and anxiety. Being supportive is what a person needs. So be a friend and you don't have to say anything if you don't know what to say. Just be there.
Reply:Yes. If she is young, and dependent on her mom, she will have to help out a bit more. If she is an adult, and nearby, she may have to help out a lot more.





Either way, your friend will be frightened. But there are no tests to tell if there is a cancerous cell here or there in the body. They will look at what they removed, and base future treatment upon the type of cancer, the stage, the condition of individual cells (there's a word, but I've forgotten it) her history, and many other things.





Meanwhile, some things you can tell your friend are that the docs are doing everything they can to get her mother well. Many, many (I believe it is most) women live full, long lives after breast cancer. And even if she needs chemo and/or radiation, I've had both, and they weren't nearly as bad as people warned me! Not anywhere near as bad as I expected. And further treatment does NOT mean she is more likely to die, but that her particular cancer responds well to those treatments, which is actually a GOOD thing!





But there will be a lot of running around to do, appointments to keep, test results to learn about and, if she has chemo, possibly a few hospitalizations for infections. These things are hard on a family. The hospital almost certainly has, or can recommend, groups for kids (or adults) who have loved ones with cancer. They can help a lot.





You are welcome to contact me if I can help, and so is she.





As far as those who tell you horror stories (in for hell), that's a matter of attitude. I've known women who actually didn't survive who were beautiful, strong and happy, right up to the end. Yes they were sick, and yes, there was pain, but there were pain meds and they made their peace with life and their loved ones, and I guarantee you, it was not hell. And it's WAY too soon to be worrying about that for your friend or her mom, anyway. She'll probably get well.
Reply:Breast cancer, any kind of disease for that matter, is a life changing experience for everyone associated with the patient.


I had breast cancer 12 years ago. My daughter was eight at the time. We explained to her what was happening and for a eight year old she did pretty good. Sure, she was scared I was going to die and felt horrible when I was puking my guts out after chemo, but we tried to maintain a normal routine. Her life didn't seem to get affected that much, she went to school, played, was a pain in the @ss sometimes. Things might have been different if she was older at the time. All this to say that,your friend might want to spend more time with her mom, depending how her mom feels, she will have to help her with stuff around the house, shopping, take care of the younger one, if there is any. You will have to be patient, understanding , you are going to have to support her, give her strenght, no matter what. She will need you, just as her mom will need her. Make her laugh, if not offer a good shoulder to cry. Life goes on and things have a tendency to right themselves after a while. Just be there for her, OK.
Reply:Yes, it will be different for a long time. Cancer really does change a person's life and the life of their families and those closest to them. Cancer is not the death sentence that it has been in the past. With a good amount of preparation, you and your friend can be prepared for whatever the news is when the results come back. Even if the cancer hasn't spread, I will be surprised if the doctor doesn't recommend chemo to be on the safe side. I pray that hers hasn't spread. There are side effects to chemo, and they vary with the type that is given. My husband's mom went through chemo for breast cancer over 5 years ago and she dealt with a lot of fatigue and hair loss. Those will probably happen to your friends mom if she has to endure chemo. Nausea is another possibility also. If you have any questions you can email me at cheesecake_lady03@yahoo.com
Reply:Hey with friends like you, this too shall pass away