How can I forget him?

377>I thought I had met then guy of my dreams. OK we hadn%26#039;t met and some of you will think thats stupid,but you cant help what you feel for someone. Well hes just broken up with me because he has cancer and doesn%26#039;t have long to live. He wants me to move on and forget him but all I want to do is be there for hmi,love him and marry him.


I%26#039;ve told him I cant forget him,but if I can only be his friend I will. What do I do to even try to forgte him. Which I know if he died he would want me to move on.But right now I dont see that happening anytime soon.


The thing is I thought I was getting better(i%26#039;m on anti depressents and hacen%26#039;t cried or wanted to hurt myself for 2 weeks) But now thats all i%26#039;m doing. I cant tell him that cos it would upset him mroe then it already has. What can i do?
Reply:I believe I understand both of your points of view. I would tell you:





First and foremost, take care of yourself!!! Depression and wanting to hurt yourself are symptoms of deep, deep depression. Find a good therapist, who will refer you to a psychiatrist if you need some medicine to help your feelings.





Then, when you feel better, gently ask him to marry you so that he will die knowing that he has a lovely wife and unconditional love (which your love seems to be).





He needs to know that moving on and forgetting him is simply impossible if he has touched your heart like this.





Best of luck to both of you...
Reply:oh man thats harsh. well time always hels the pain so u cant expect urself to get over him over night. just be there for him as much as u can so when ho does go, u know that u have been there for him when he needed u and u had the most wonderful time in ur life. this is what u can treasure for a long time. and eventually u%26#039;ll move on. good luck xox.
Reply:You are a depressive who self-harms and you have met someone (probably on the internet) and think that you love him. In the excitement of this %26#039;love%26#039; you have felt better and I am sure you have told him all this but .....you have put the responsibility for your own happiness on to a man who is already dying of cancer and he knows that he will not be strong enough to support a person who has mental health problems dealing with her own life. I am sorry to be so blunt, but this is the truth as I see it and I think you need to get yourself well before you think about having a relationship. It is your own responsibility - no-one else is going to do it for you - as I think you have already found out.
Reply:this sad the only thing i can tell you if he won%26#039;t listen to write him a letter of your feeling and what this is doing to you. that you truly want to be with him. even to the end if that%26#039;s what going to happen. and pray a lot for both of you.
Reply:Hun, Really there is no way you can forget him. No matter what you do he was a part of your life as you where a part of his. This will be a very crushing time for you and its going to hurt. (I wont lie) The best thing that you can do is be strong for them why%26#039;ll there still around. If he only has a bit of time left to live then make it as happy as you can for him. No one wants to go out all sad and alone so just be there when you can. You know deep done he likes everything you do for him so just keep it up. Things will all work out in the end. Keep in mind that it is enabitable so....





Anyways I hope that helped. You can e-mail me if you need someone to talk to hun.
Reply:Hey... I%26#039;m sorry about the guy. But I see a bigger problem here. You cannot expect people or money or situations to make you happy. Your anti-depressants are only a tool. They can HELP you make YOURSELF happy. Once you can get your meds figured out, and once you can learn how to be happy with YOU and your life, regardless of who is or is not in it, you will be able to cope with stressful situations like this in a more healthy way. Having said that, I%26#039;m confused by the %26quot;we haven%26#039;t met%26quot; thing. What? Is this an internet relationship? If so, I question whether he%26#039;s lying. :( Sorry to be all yucky about it. Good luck. Don%26#039;t hurt yourself. Get some help. Time heals everything, it really does.
Reply:i am so sorry to hear this. well i understand were you both ar coming from- he loves u enough to want to cut u loose so u can be happy and you love him enough to want to remain by his side till his end. i would personally try and be with him till his end before i move on which is what you would have to do eventually.let him know that nothing would make you happier than to spend the rest of his life as his woman. till heals all wounds and when hes gone, atleast you would be able to move on knowing it is what he wanted for u. again i am soo sorry
Reply:Babe, I am sorry to hear how pained you are.


You seem to be someone who doesn%26#039;t do things in half, but all the way through.


You have told him that you want to be there for him, that you love him and want to marry him. Now, either because he doesn%26#039;t want your pity, or truly wants you to enjoy your life, he is saying no.


Babe, you can%26#039;t force someone to do what they don%26#039;t want to just because you love them. When you love someone, you have to listen to what they are saying to you, what they want.


If you truly love him, and can%26#039;t have what you want from him, then accept to be a friend.


He is either a very decent and unfortunate guy or the worst jerk ever for telling you of his condition and wanting you to back off.


Think. You haven%26#039;t met him. Give yourself a chance. He is, whatever he is. Wouldn%26#039;t you do the same for someone you love? wouldn%26#039;t you want that person to be happy even if YOU couldn%26#039;t make them happy?


Can%26#039;t you try and do that for him? Come on babe, Don%26#039;t act like you%26#039;re a mouse being trapped in some kind of sick game. The guy is setting you free and he%26#039;d make him happy to know that, the girl he thinks the world of but can%26#039;t have, can still be happy, even if he%26#039;s not going to be making that happen. Do you want to let him down by destroying yourself.


Come on babe, loving someone means being strong for that person. persuing their dreams in some instances... and this is one you can make happen for him. Be his friend, and live your life, don%26#039;t make him regret having met you, even virtually.xxx
Reply:You cant TRY to harm yourself, you either do or you don%26#039;t! how can you try to harm yourself but not break the skin? - it really doesn%26#039;t make any sense, a bit like your question.





You can%26#039;t forget him so there isn%26#039;t any point in trying. Your friend believes he is going to be burden to you and doesn%26#039;t want to be that. You sound like you were emotionally dependant on him and the way his health is at the moment he probably just cannot cope.





Write him a letter. Tell him how much you feel for him and that you want to be by his side to cheer him up and be there for him.





Then, as soon as you have done this go and seek help from some type of counsellor. You have some serious issues which need to be address not just by medication but by sorting it all out. One day, you are going to %26#039;try%26#039; to harm yourself and accidently go too far.
Reply:I think this guy is pushing you away now because he knows that if you%26#039;re still together when he dies, it could possibly push you over the edge completely, maybe even costing you also your life. He clearly doesn%26#039;t want that for you so feels if the goodbyes are said now....it%26#039;ll somehow make things slightly easier for you to cope.


You need to be taking care first of your own mental health.....asking that you be a part of his life while he is dealing with not being here for too much longer.....with all the baggage that you%26#039;re needing to bring along with you, is asking too much of him. He at least deserves the right to end his final days in peace.......if you care about him as you say you do, then at least allow him that.
Reply:I%26#039;m sorry Hun to hear about your grief over this guy :) all he wants is the best for you and he doesn%26#039;t want to hurt you by going away to soon . . . .i can only imagine how you feel and i have known a situation like this before but if you commit you%26#039;ll hurt even more. . . i think you should be friends with him still and i hope your pain will ease a bit. . . i know you may never forget him and he will always be in your heart but maybe in the future sometime move on. make his wish come true and find someone who will love and respect you. . . . i wish you all the best and hope you find peace at the end :) please keep emailing in and about the progress you are making xx xx
Reply:you need to be alone until you get your head together better, remain friends with him, he will need them being ill
Reply:you just come across too clingy, give him some space right now, he might appreciate it
Reply:god love ya...x
Reply:MARRY HIM B4 ITS WAY 2 LATE B WITH HIM 4 EVA B WIF UR LUV!!
Reply:oh!!...im really sorry..this must be really hard for you and him...well...this is just me..but i wouldnt forget him...i would be with him as much as possible while he is still here...he needs poeple by him..why not the girl he loves?? He needs your support at this devistating time.. If he does pass away, which you said he will, its better to pass away with loved ones by your side than alone in the dark, thinkning of how it could have been if he hadnt told you to forget him...


but..if you really do want to forget him, just do lots of activities with your friends..just be yourself and try your hardest to keep your mind off of him...good luck...and if you really loved him you wont forget him.